Goodbye Struggles, Hello Authenticity

Today I said no to my editor. She had suggested that the scope of a story I was writing might expand with the defeat of SJR 7, the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. (Hurray for that, by the way!) Because I’m covering a public forum to discuss the connection between reproductive rights and gay rights, it would make perfect sense for me to write the main news story on the defeat. It would fit right in. But I’m not going to. Politics are not my interest; I’m embarrassed to admit how little I’ve followed SJR 7’s saga. I would not do the thing justice.  

The fact that I felt free to say so is testament to how far I’ve come. I have spent much of my life swimming against the current of my own creativity. Trying hard to fulfill someone else’s expectations (or the merest suggestion of an expectation – I’m very good at anticipating these things). Thinking that the things that come easy to me must not really count as gifts, precisely because they are so easy.

But what I’m learning at last is that struggling is not necessary. Struggling is not laudable. And it typically doesn’t result in a stellar product.

In my regular employment situations of the past, I often forced myself to jump through hoops that felt deadening to me. But now I’m a freelancer, and there are plenty of things I jump at the chance to write about, things that stir me, that don’t require faked interest. Such as the Zawadi Exchange at Broadway UMC, which embodies the very philosophy I’m talking about here. And from my limited experience with Broadway, I’ve gotten the impression that freeing people to follow their heart’s desires is one of the things this church does best.

It helps that last week I sat around a table with this editor and the other freelancers she uses, and we all shared our passions, the kinds of stories that draw us. She took notes. She talked about our credentials; just by living our lives and being involved in our communities, we have credentials.

I realized that I truly don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not, even when a paycheck is at stake. All people want from me is authenticity.